Ursula has the most fabulous hair.
Ursula has the most fabulous hair.
But this wasn’t always her cross to bear.
She started with three small strands—
So wispy, so light.
She was so scared that one day, they’ll catch flight.
She spent her candy-counter paycheck
On serums, creams and shampoos—
Hoping that one day,
She’ll wake up with a new-doo!
On her hands and knees, she’ll sob in her bedroom:
Praying:
“Pppplease lord, PLEEEASE,
Give me what I want,
Give me what I NEED,
To excel in this society,
I need to have this hair,
Then they’ll treat me kind,
Then they’ll treat me fair.”
Finally, one night, the lord sent a vision,
To a billionaire donor, with a mission—
“Let’s help these poor hairless people!
Who are treated so unjust,
But they’re just so hard to trust,
Looking like a bald nut…
Hmmmm, let’s make them like us!
We’ll give them the key,
but not really,
because I still need to make money…
Ah! I see!
We’ll give them expensive surgery, riddled with bills!
Oh! And!
An infinite aftercare pill!
Wow.
What a great deal!”
Shopping the aisle for more serums and pills,
Ursula sees a bright ad become real
“New surgery covered by trust,
By us!
Be us!
It’s simple and pain-free,
With one day outpatient unavailability
And one tiny daily pill,
You’ll have the perfect hair!
It’s a biiiig deal,
We swear!”
She scans the code, then off she goes,
Under the knife,
To wake up to a new life.
Removing the scarf,
she looks in the mirror
her head no longer marred—
“My beautiful hair!
I can’t believe it’s there!”
Tears roll off her cheeks
Her eyes gleaming with glee—
“Finally! I can be free!
Finally, I can be me!”
The TV glowing catches her eye,
So unpleasant, it feels like a stye
“Why is there a guy with no hair…
On the air?”
At a cough, she whirls to face,
A magazine left on her roommate's bedside frame:
It reads:
“Fabulous is old hat. Let’s bring bald back!”
Ursula flies down the stairs
Only to see the truth laid bare…
gasp
Ursula has the most fabulous hair.
